We are so deeply sorry for your loss. The pain of losing your baby is unimaginable, and our hearts go out to you. During this time, you may feel distressed or even surprised by the milk your body is producing for a baby who is no longer with you. While this is a natural process, it can feel overwhelming and difficult to navigate during your grief. It’s okay to have mixed emotions—whatever you feel is valid.

What you choose to do with your milk is a deeply personal decision. Some mothers may wish to stop milk production as quickly as possible, while others find comfort in donating their milk to help other babies in need. There is no right or wrong choice—only what feels best for you.

Donating Your Milk

After childbirth, your body will start producing milk—often referred to as your milk “coming in.” This typically happens within the first few days after delivery. During this time, many mothers experience breast fullness, discomfort, and possible leaking.

Some mothers find physical and emotional comfort in milk donation, so that premature or hospitalized babies can benefit from its protection. Pump for comfort—as frequently or as infrequently as you need—for your own healing.

Some mothers may have frozen stores of milk, either at home or in the hospital, and choose to donate this milk even if they decide not to continue pumping. Milk banks will accept breast milk that has been frozen for up to 6 months, and there is no minimum donation required for bereaved mothers. This means there is no rush to make a decision—take all the time you need.

Many Human Milk Banking Association of North America (HMBANA) member milk banks offer special support and collection materials for bereavement mothers. Many mothers find comfort in knowing their milk is helping other babies in need. Donating can be a meaningful way to honor your baby’s memory and create a lasting legacy through your generosity.

You can reach out for support at any stage of this journey. If you’re considering donation, your hospital, milk bank, or lactation consultant can help guide you through the process whenever you feel ready. 

Donation may be a healing choice for some mothers, but it’s not the right fit for everyone. Take all the time you need to decide what feels best for you and your family. You may even change your mind—and that’s okay. We encourage you to seek the support you need to make the decision that is right for you.

How Can I Suppress My Supply?

If you wish to stop breast milk production as soon as possible after delivery, keep in mind that it may take some time for your body to adjust. Here are some gentle tips to ease the process:

Minimize Breast Stimulation

  • Support: Wear a well-fitting and supportive bra for several days, even while you sleep. Absorbent nursing pads will help with any leakage.

  • Avoid Heat: When standing in the shower, try to avoid letting warm water run directly over your breasts. Instead, turn your back and let the water run over your shoulders.

  • Limit Milk Removal: Try not to touch, massage, or pump your breasts. 

  • Time: With limited breast stimulation or milk removal, you should notice significant improvement in breast fullness and discomfort within a week to 10 days after delivery.

Comfort Measures

  • Ice: Use cold compresses on your breasts. This may help to reduce breast engorgement and slow the refilling process in your breasts. 

  • Anti-inflammatories: Pain relievers like ibuprofen or acetaminophen can help reduce swelling and discomfort.

  • Cabbage: Cold cabbage leaves may also help reduce inflammation. Wash fresh green cabbage, refrigerate it, and place one leaf at a time over your breast until it softens.

  • Gentle Massage: If you’re feeling very uncomfortable, gently massaging your breasts or hand expressing for a few minutes may offer some relief. Avoid prolonged massage or pumping, as it can encourage milk production.

Herbs and Medicines to Help

  • Herbs: Drinking several cups of herbal tea containing sage or peppermint may help some mothers reduce milk production.

  • Pseudoephedrine: This over-the-counter decongestant has been shown to decrease milk supply. Ask your healthcare provider if this medication is safe for you, as there are some contraindications.

  • Oral Contraceptives: A one-week course of estrogen-containing birth control pills has been shown to significantly decrease milk supply. This option is available by prescription only, and potential side effects should be discussed with your healthcare provider.

  • Prescription Medication: Another medication used for lactation suppression is Cabergoline, which is available only by prescription.

Important Notes

Binding your breasts is no longer recommended, as it can cause plugged ducts and further discomfort. Be aware of signs of mastitis, such as fever, body aches, or painful, red breasts. Contact your healthcare team or provider immediately if you experience these symptoms.

Somewhere in the Middle

The journey through lactation after infant loss is deeply personal, and there is no “right” way to navigate it. You may find yourself somewhere in the middle of all of this, navigating a complex mix of emotions and physical changes. Be gentle with yourself, and trust that your feelings—whatever they may be—are completely valid. Whether you choose to suppress milk production, donate your milk, or simply take things one day at a time, we’re here to support you every step of the way. If you need guidance or just someone to listen, please don’t hesitate to reach out to your healthcare provider, connect with a bereavement support group, and surround yourself with loving family and friends. You are not alone in this.

Disclaimer: Our classes and accompanying materials are intended for general education purposes and should not replace medical advice. For personalized recommendations, please consult your healthcare provider and/or lactation consultant.